You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
