We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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