my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bit a glass in half.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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