The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then my night got REAL pukey
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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