what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
