cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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