why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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