I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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