I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
