I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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