the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
