I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
