Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
