You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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