I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
