i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
