i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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