I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
