i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
