She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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