Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
