im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Operation Purity has been aborted
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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