this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
