You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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