he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
