Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She bit a glass in half.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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