sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
