i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I could make wine with my vomit
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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