Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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