yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
