I'm lost and stupid without you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Holy sore nipples Batman
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