I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
