my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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