You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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