I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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