clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
