Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
