Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
