how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
