Don't make out with my wife yet
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
