he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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