Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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