He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
