just tell him i said nine months
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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