Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
