I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
