His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
