Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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