I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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