Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
