I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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