You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
