Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
