Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
