I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
