who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
