There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
