He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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