it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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